


I Lost Count

by bennyrelic



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Asexual Character, Bisexual Male Character, F/M, Homosexuality, M/M, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Other, POV First Person, Past Abuse, Polyamory, Transgender, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:27:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22824856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bennyrelic/pseuds/bennyrelic
Summary: Laurie is an Omega attending Hogwarts who has a clandestine meeting with Mr. & Mrs. Potter right before her sixth heat. Will Laurie join their family? What is up with Professor Malfoy?Laurie has OCD and some past trauma. Nothing graphic in this fic.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Harry Potter & Ginny Weasley
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	I Lost Count

**Author's Note:**

> I have been reading a ton of A/B/O and this little idea came into my head about different kinds of Omegas. An Omega who could hide in plain sight, an Omega who was asexual, and an Omega who started out one gender and realized they were something else entirely. Confused? Hopefully it all makes sense after reading.

I’m waiting in this very lovely room, in an Order of Merlin recipients’ grand home, counting. I started counting the minute I presented as an Omega and I’ve only stopped to go to class, eat, sleep and occasionally interact with those around me. I try to keep my interactions to a minimum, the counting is what’s most important after all.

Some might think that I count in a straight number line, 1, 2, 3, 4. I suppose I could do that, but I don’t. I count some things in order and other things by groups and yet others by divisible numbers. I can look at a jar of magic beans for example and guess with some accuracy the exact amount and then count them by a divisible number. So, if there were 99, I could count them first by 3’s and then 11’s and then... Well you get the point. I count therefore I am.

I am aware that people around me have been talking about me. You see, many of the ‘adults’ that have taken to talking about me like I’m not in the room, are unaware that my counting actually helps me focus. It’s not a distraction. I absorb everything that’s being said and save it to be processed as I see fit. Well, maybe my brain saves it and decides when I can handle it. It’s a common response, I’m told, to trauma. I’ve had my fair share; thanks so much.

This room is nice though, a good even number of light fixtures. It has a balance with windows on both sides, no doors either which is good. They know I don’t like closed doors. Makes one feel trapped doesn’t it? The colors are muted and the voices of those in the room are soft and don’t echo off the walls or high ceilings. There are two magical portraits, one of a scraggly haired youth and the other is of a young red-haired man with a mischievous glint in his eye. The red headed portrait has been pretending to be muggle this whole time which is distracting. He has 114 freckles that I can see. It’s a fair number of freckles and I’m a little envious, since I only have 28 on my nose, face, and neck. Mostly on my nose. I should double count to make sure, I’d need to find a mirror for that.

I stand up to find a mirror and someone standing behind me gently pushes me back down on the stiff Victorian inspired loveseat. It’s Professor Longbottom, by the look of the large calloused hands on my shoulders, he mumbles softly, “One moment Laurie, they’ll be here soon.”

There have only been three Omegas in the past 20 years. Three is a good number as far as uneven numbers go. It has a magical balance and significance at least. It also fits nicely into so many choice even numbers.

Professor Longbottom and company have brought me to his friend’s house at the request of the Ministry and the Headmistress. I’m going into heat soon apparently and I need someone to ‘help me through it.’ It sounds revolting truth be told. Harry Potter has apparently helped the previous two Omega’s one of which is his wife. The other is a woman 10 years my senior who right now is living happily ever after with her Alpha wife in Switzerland of all places. I’m not sure if Mr. Potter outsources his Alpha heat mentor services to Omega’s from other countries. Would it be rude to ask? I’m still unclear on the procedures. I suppose that’s why I’m here. Although, I’d rather be anywhere else. His son James has formally requested a courtship with me. He’s a Gryffindor and as far as I can tell he has no interest in females at all so why he would want to date me; I haven’t a clue. Oh, right, Omega. I think his father must have something to do with it. I’m growing more uncomfortable by the minute. I shift in my seat and my neck cracks loud enough for everyone to turn and look my way.

Professor Longbottom shuffles behind me, the ministry official coughs and continues talking to Headmistress McGonagall. Professor Malfoy stares at me openly, his eyes asking a question, ‘are you ok?’ I answer with a grimace hoping to clearly communicate just how much I want to leave right now. He blinks slowly at me and shakes his head in warning. We talked about this before we left. I want him for my heat, he’s never been with an Omega and he’s my Professor for another two months, but I don’t care about any impropriety.

Professor Malfoy is the only person in this room, hell in my life, that has ever believed in me. He appointed me to a Junior apprenticeship last Summer, which is two years earlier than 95% of people. It’s also a very competitive apprenticeship I nearly lost my best friend and study buddy when I was given the opportunity. She’s working with Professor Longbottom now and quite happy, but it was touch and go there for a few months. Then, well, then I became, or manifested into some kind of prized possession for the rich and powerful. I’ve been uncomfortable in my own skin ever since. It’s not the heats, it’s this whole situation. I hate it.

I can still see Professor Malfoy’s face when I told him about my abnormal test results. His nostrils flared and he looked like he was about to vomit. He simply said in that cool voice of his, “Well, I hope you’re not asking for special exceptions on your Original Creations Essay. Because I expect it on my desk tomorrow afternoon no matter what secondary gender you are.” I could have kissed him right then. He hadn’t treated me any different and that’s why I named him my official escort. My parents are muggle and completely not interested in my magical future truth be told. They also liked Professor Malfoy a lot. He’s charming and smart and so bloody gorgeous and… Stop drooling Laurie, it’s not a good look.

When Ginny Potter walks into the room, Professor Longbottom gasps loudly. I turn in my seat to look at him and his face is like a dead fish, open mouth and dead eyes staring at Mrs. Potter. She’s floated into the room and gracefully bows and chats to the group nearest the door, the Headmistress and the Ministry bloke. Professor Malfoy and Mrs. Potter simply nod at each other quickly. When she turns around and spots me, she smiles softly, then walks past and grabs Professor Longbottom into a friendly hug. He laughs and sputters while she gives enthusiastic inquiries into his greenhouses and students.

The Headmistress and Ministry official boom loudly when Mr. Potter walks in. 17 books on one shelf times 4 shelves, then subtract the number of missing books, divide your total by 2. Then divide it by 8. Keep counting. How many flowers are in this rug? 3, plus 3, plus 3, plus…

“We know she’s in good hands, come on Professor’s let’s leave them to it,” Headmistress McGonagall says. I keep my head down, I can’t watch him leave me. I imagine his eyes don’t ever leave me even when he’s not physically in the room. I keep the memory of his stare locked with mine. Gray meeting gold in bright sunlit rooms, in darkened dungeon classrooms, in overcast skies flying above the trees. How many freckles does Draco Malfoy have I wonder?

I smell her before she sits next to me, “Is this OK,” Mrs. Potter asks, “for me to sit here?”

I scoot over away from her and count the flowers on the rug. Mrs. Potter sighs and wandlessly moves a chair from across the room to sit next to her husband opposite me. She continues when she’s seated, “Laurie, it’s an honor to finally meet you. Neville has told us so much about you. How much help you are with the younger students, and everything.” She fidgets with her hands looking back and forth between her husband and me. What is she doing here? Isn’t this awkward enough? Oh, right, Omega. I need to be minded like a toddler. She’s my escort for this meeting so nothing untoward happens before the proper schedule. There’s a procedure for the randiness of the elites. They buy virgin Omega’s or sell them or collect them like figurines. It doesn’t make any sense. My virginity has no actual value. It doesn’t even truly exist when I think about it. I’ve already decided to have sex during my heat, does it even matter who it’s with or whether I’ve done it before or not? The first time you ride a bike and the last time you ride are basically the same right?

I’ve been distracted from my counting. It’s fine, I haven’t forgotten where I’ve left off. Mr. Potter is silent flitting his eyes around the room, trying not to stare at me. Or maybe he’s trying not to make his wife uncomfortable because she is still fidgeting. It’s time to start interacting and get this over with. I scootch forward in my seat, straight back and look between them. I say, “It’s nice to meet you both as well. Thank you for inviting me into your lovely home. I want to cut to the quick if I may?” Both Potters nod and I continue, “I’m not interested in Mr. Potter. I have read James’ courtship proposal and I’m not interested in him either. I’ve already made up mind.”

Mrs. Potter is looking at her husband to gauge his reaction. It’s hard for me to tell what he’s thinking. His eyes are small and cold behind thick black frames. Mrs. Potter hesitantly says, “Well, we respect your decision of course but perhaps you should hear what Harry has to say before you make up your mind. James too, for that matter. He’s a very strong, intelligent and kind young man. I…” Mr. Potter clears his throat and his wife stops speaking, he brings both hands down on his knees and says, “Right. Here’s the thing,” he shifts forward a bit to stare into my eyes, I don’t even blink. He continues, “Whatever young Alpha you’ve chosen will not be able to control themselves. I have not bonded with any Omega in the past 15 years, not even my wife.” Mrs. Potter brings down her high collared blouse to expose the long length of her unblemished neck. How is that even possible? I stare at the smooth skin, straining my eyes for any sort of mark.

“How?” I ask. Mr. Potter replies, “I have no interest in tying anyone to me for life. We have no house elves, our children are free to do as they please with their lives, and my wife is the safest and sanest unbonded Omega in history. She didn’t want to be bonded, so she’s not. Everyone in our family is free to be whomever they want and with anyone they want.”

I look between the couple in shock, “I wasn’t expecting this.” Mr. Potter replies, “That’s because no one knows about this. We don’t advertise our family dynamics because, it’s private and people wouldn’t understand, or be as accepting as they should be. As far as James goes, he’s been around his mother his whole life and he wants an Omega wife because he’s familiar with Omega’s. Have you talked to him one on one before?” I shake my head no. Mr. Potter leans back and contemplates. I lean back as well staring at Mrs. Potter who has relaxed enough to stop fidgeting. I count the seconds and ponder. “Can’t another Alpha control themselves during my heat? It’s just,” I fumble for the words, “I don’t know you, and it’s very awkward.” Mr. Potter nods and says, “We can get to know each other if you like. It really is up to you.”

Mrs. Potter walks over to the couch and sits next to me. She softly moves her hair to the side and for the first time I can make out the details of her scent. It’s very clean and bright, like a warm spring day and a cold stream. She turns her head to me and says, “Harry isn’t like any other Alpha I’ve ever known. If this Alpha you have in mind has never been with an Omega before there is no way to predict what will happen. I have talked to Neville about you, we, know about your past and I really believe this will be the safest choice for a girl like you.”

It rises up in me, shame, fear, agitation and it busts out of my mouth in a raging hormone fueled tirade, “ _a girl like you_. Let’s not beat around it, eh? I’m not interested. I believe I’ve said that many times. You’re both thicker than a pair of rut induced Alphas I swear!”

I stand up and pace around the room. I reach the corner toward the backyard, 8 steps. I walk toward the open doorway, 15 steps. Someone is talking, are they talking to me?

“…she can’t be alone again, she’s barely holding…”

“...I won’t force anyone, you of all people should…”

“…she might not be able to help…”

187 steps later, I hear my name. I don’t know how he got so close to me without my noticing. Professor Malfoy bends down and carefully grabs both my hands and shakes them gently as he says, “Laurie, let’s go home, ok?”

Back in my room at Hogwarts and I can feel myself, the Omega part of myself, bouncing against the walls of consciousness. This power inside me is gearing up and we’re down to the wire. The meeting today with the Potters did not go as planned. Now Professor’s Malfoy and Longbottom, my parents, and the Headmistress are all meeting to decide what to do with me. They’re thinking of putting me in a coma to ride out the heat.

I don’t understand why Professor Malfoy doesn’t want me. What is wrong with me? No one will tell me, and I can’t take it anymore.

I race out of the room and through the common room, a small group of my fellow Hufflepuffs try to stop me, ask me where I’m going it’s almost curfew after all. It’s very un-Hufflepuff of me to go traipsing through the Castle at night.

It’s almost like I teleport to his chamber door. I don’t even know how I know that this is his room, but I do. I knock, hard and loud. I pound on the door and scream.

He throws the door open and crosses his arms at me, wordlessly granting me access to his sitting room. It’s warm and quiet and so completely perfect. There are 3 logs on the fire and 4 on the hearth. I feel tired all of a sudden in these cozy surroundings. I didn’t even count my steps on the way here. How could I be so careless?

“… haven’t you noticed?” Professor Malfoy says. I only hear bits and pieces. “Laurie?” He continues, “How many words on page 8 of advanced potions?”

My head snaps to attention and I stare at a point just past his left shoulder. He’s crouched down in front of me, as I sit on a low stool my back to the fire. I answer him, “260, even number.” Professor Malfoy nods his head and gathers my hair in his hands pulling it away from my face where it sticks to a thin sheen of sweat on my head and neck. He sighs loudly and it makes my mouth quirk in a smile. He never shows emotion out there in the real world. Only in small moments like this does he seem real at all. How many people know Draco Malfoy, really? About as many that know the real me, I surmise.

“Laurie,” he says, “have you noticed that you can’t smell me? That I don’t have any reaction to you at all?” I scrunch up my face, 19 words, and none of them make sense. I say, “You’re an Alpha. You must be. I have… feelings for you.” 11 words plus 19 words., together we have said 30 words to each other. I can work with 30, it’s got a 3 and it’s an even number.

Professor Malfoy rubs my arms softly and says gently, “I have feelings for you too. I want you to be happy Laurie, do you understand what I’m saying?” 19 words again. What did he say? “How did you do it?” I ask. Professor Malfoy sits back on his bum, gathering his knees awkwardly in his arms, his head hanging low. 19 plus 19 plus 11 plus, how many words? What did we say?

“Laurie,” Professor Malfoy says, “I’m an Omega, not an Alpha. The feelings you have, that we have are more like siblings than lovers. Because of your past, troubles, you might not be able to understand what you’re actually feeling. The mindhealers said you have trouble with emotions, you remember, right?”

“How did you do it?” I ask him again. Maybe two Omega’s can be together, protect each other, we can suppress our heats he obviously knows how.

“I’m bonded to someone, we…” his face falls, “we can’t be together publicly. It’s not…”

49 plus 7 plus, what did he say? How many words did we say to each other? I lost count.

“You’re in love with someone else,” I say calmly. I lost count, and that never happens. Everything I thought I knew was a lie. How long have I been like this? I can’t stop the panic from rising and my breath leaves my body with such force I know I must make a horrible choking gasping sound. Professor Malfoy is there, holding me, whispering, “It’s ok. You’re going to be ok.”

I can’t see straight, or sideways, only down, I stare down into the floor, barely breathing, short gasps and I lost count. How many breaths? I say out loud, “1, 2, 3, 4.” I hold my breath and start again. Professor Malfoy counts with me.

“What’s wrong with me Draco?” I whisper as my body finally let’s go of the fear and gives into exhaustion.

I had apparently run out of time. Harry, as he insists, I call him, refused to see me through my heat since I adamantly refused him. Everyone tried to pressure him to do it anyway, even Draco, as he insists, I not call him. I figure if we’re two Omega’s we should be on a first name basis like any other siblings, right?

If it weren’t for that magically induced coma, I would be a lot more embarrassed about my almost admitting my undying love for a fellow Omega. Living in secret for 20 years and bonded to Harry the whole time. Ginny was their mutual Omega beard. Apparently, she’s asexual and only went into her heats to have her children, who she desperately wanted and adored. Draco was like a second mother to them all.

This leaves the question, why did James want to court me? Well you see, he’s not like other Alpha’s, he knows that you can have more than one type of family. He wants kids of his own even though he’s just as bent as Harry and Draco and he’s already got a steady boyfriend. He assumed I would be open to an open type of relationship, seeing as I hadn’t been with anyone during any of my past 6 heats.

The heat before this one had been the one to push me over the edge. My OCD started to take over my life and pushed me to some dark corners in my mind. I had convinced myself that Draco was the only way out. I was, obviously, wrong. Now past my 6th heat and feeling a little groggy I can safely say, I have no idea what I want or what I’m doing.

I do know that Harry and Draco are wonderful and so adorable together it makes my teeth hurt. They came around today and brought me a huge box of fancy swiss chocolates. That older Omega sends them a ton every year apparently. We talk about how their family works and how lucky they all are to have each other.

“You could be a part of it,” Harry says, “no pressure of course. But a girl like you would be very welcome with all of us.” I twitch at Harry’s words. Draco sits down on the hospital bed next to me. He smiles at me and it makes me think of happier times, when had I got it so twisted? It seems clear to me now that he’s always looked at me like a sibling.

“What if,” I start and stop for a long moment, unable to fully grasp what is I even want to say. Somehow, with Draco’s smile and Harry’s patience I think I might be able to do it. I take a deep breath, “what if I’m not a girl. Would that still work?” I start counting the seconds. Harry grabs my left hand; Draco grabs my right. I’m counting softly and Draco squeezes when I reach 10. He says, “Hey, I think it would be marvelous. How many letters is that anyway?”

“Marvelous?” I say. Harry squeezes my left hand, “Stupendous even, how many is that?”

I smile at them both, “I think I lost count.” I chuckle softly and they both hold on. I hold on.


End file.
